What do you get when you add 2 people with great hair/bodies, fancy dinners, getaways that cost lots of money, a red rose and usually a guitar and a stupid love song? Answer: ABC's The bachelor / bachelorette. Why is it that I have watched this show pretty much every season since it began? Do you realize how many hours of my life that probably adds up to? As a matter of fact I am watching it as we speak. If I spent as much time exercising as I did watching The Bachelor, I could have been on the show. Why is it that as a society we get sucked into this crazy idea of love? Why is love so appealing to us and why does it hurt so bad sometimes? It is also interesting how we seem to know what everyone else needs when it comes to love and relationships but fail when it comes to making it work for ourselves.
The grass is always greener on the other side right? That is until you climb the fence and lay down in this "greener" grass and notice that this grass has bugs, the beginning of weeds, itches your skin and leaves grass stains on your favorite pair of jeans. Ah, lame sauce! What is a girl (or guy) to do now?
This leads me into telling you about a fantastic book I recently read. It is called "Love, Sex & Lasting Relationships by Chip Ingram" This book gives the best outline of how and why relationships last or fail. So i am going to repost and hopefully it is not considered plagiarism since I am CLEARLY stating that it comes from the above book.
Mr. Ingram gives two formula's and I think I can safely say that the majority of society falls into one of these 2 formulas:
Hollywood's formula for relationships
1. FIND the right person
2. FALL in love
3. FIX your hopes and dreams on this person for your future fulfillment
4. If FAILURE occurs, repeat steps 1, 2, 3
So I would have to say that I am guilty of using this formula in the past. I dated my share of dudes. I think I was guilty of #3 mostly and then #4 approximately 21 times give or take a few. So I use to look back on my past and think why did I date all those losers? Now I look back and say "I am glad to have those experiences because now I am learning who I am and will be a better spouse because of it" It did help that my husband is awesome, most of the time, and he is good looking with a great body, sense of humor, etc...... I also am aware that I have probably just made 21 different lists as the "top loser" ex-girlfriend.
I have been married for 5.75 years and have been together for a total of 8.5 years. It amazes me that we made it through some of our trials. We met in college our first semester. I was a single mother of a 9 month old and he was single mid 20's guy who was trying to get his life in order. We have always had kids in our relationship and it has taken a long time to get the pyramid right. Meaning God 1st, Spouse 2nd, Kids 3rd and then everything else at the bottom. Since I have figured this out our marriage has been rock solid, fulfilling and very enjoyable. Right now due to job demands we see each other (not kidding) approximately 4-6 hours a week. We have 3 kids including a baby, 2 mortgages, both of us work, we live in a 2 bedroom (800 square foot house), we never see each other and yet we are closer than we ever have been. We are growing together when others around us are falling apart. This leads me into the 2nd formula that Mr. Ingram gives us to share and one of the reasons why we are striving in our marriage.
God's prescription for relationships
1. BECOME the right person
2. WALK in love
3. FIX your hope on God and seek to please him through this relationship
4. if FAILURE occurs, repeat steps 1, 2, and 3
One of the hardest things I have had to learn to do in my marriage is to love my husband sacrificially. This means that I love him and give 100% even when he least deserves it. Now I am not saying that we are all lovey dovey- happy all the time- puke on the sidewalk couple ( this is infatuation). Some days I really dislike him. However, we have invested enough into our "marriage bank" to sustain us when times are tough. We keep on investing even when it feels like we can't possibly give any more.
I know that if I do the dishes and clean the house for him then he feels loved by me. He knows that if he goes on a walk with me or reads his book next to me in bed that I feel loved.
Did you know that infatuation last approximately 2 years, then all of a sudden a couple says "oh, we just grew apart." I think that is what happens when we have kids. It is great for awhile then all of a sudden our kid hits their "terrible twos" or "horrible threes". Too bad we can't tell our kids " oh I think we are growing apart, so I am going to have another baby and hope it turns out better this time around". Then *poof* the cycle repeats itself. What in the world???? What did I do wrong this time??? Crap, God said no refunds!!
So the point is this: All these darn dating shows and sappy movies that we continue to watch and buy into should come with the following disclaimer " FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY"
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